( Tuesday NO PO) Tell Me A Tale Day

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( Tuesday NO PO) Tell Me A Tale Day

Post by Z is for Zangie » Tue Feb 28, 2023 2:25 am

Todays National Days were not interesting, hard to comment on, etc...so, here is my unoriginal topic for today...lol..tell me a tale, a true one, a personal one, a fictional one..making me smile or laugh is the goal...lol
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Re: ( Tuesday NO PO) Tell Me A Tale Day

Post by GuideToACrazyWorld » Tue Feb 28, 2023 3:00 am

once upon a time there was a man named Guide. The end.

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Re: ( Tuesday NO PO) Tell Me A Tale Day

Post by Z is for Zangie » Tue Feb 28, 2023 3:27 am

GuideToACrazyWorld wrote:
Tue Feb 28, 2023 3:00 am
once upon a time there was a man named Guide. The end.
:lol: :lol:

Well, you did make me laugh

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Re: ( Tuesday NO PO) Tell Me A Tale Day

Post by Tarmaque » Tue Feb 28, 2023 3:27 am

Did I ever tell you the story about how my friend John and I nearly caused an international incident by shooting a cannon at a South Korean ship? So we live on the Columbia river, and Portland is a pretty big port but about 100 miles up the river. Along the river are a lot of sand bars where people used to like to fish. Also a lot of people fished out of boats, for salmon or stealhead or sturgeon.

Now my Dad had a pretty big cannon that some of the kids in the metal shop at the school where he taught made for him. It had a 1.5 inch bore, but we generally just liked to make noise with it and just shot sand out of it. Eventually we overloaded it and broke the carriage, although the barrel was fine. I never did find out what happened to the barrel.

A few years after we graduated high school John got a job in a big metal shop. Since my Dad's cannon no longer worked, John built his own. It was larger and heavier and in every way stronger, made entirely of super strong steel. However it shot the same size slugs. The good thing about this was he could have a guy where he worked just saw off whole bunches of 1.5 inch steel round bar. It was fun to shoot up in the mountains, and we found that if we drilled a hole halfway through the round bar it would whistle when we shot it because it tumbled. So a BIG "BOOOOM" followed by a "tweetleetleetleetle" until it hit something. Fun.

So one day he shows up with a bunch of slugs freshly drilled for tweeting. One of us, I don't remember who, had the bright idea of taking the cannon down to the sand bar and trying to skip the slugs off the water and into the island in the middle of the river. (it's uninhabited.) Being kids barely into our twenties we thought this was a fine idea, and we loaded everything into my 1964 International Scout and drove down to the sand bar. A vehicle not well known for its speed or dependability.

We got there and stuck the cannon behind a big piece of driftwood (our idea of safety) and parked my Scout a good 100 feet away. We pointed it at the middle of the river hoping it would skip. Then John started the lengthy process of loading the thing, measuring the powder in a semi-precise way, inserting some newspaper wadding and tamping it down, then lowering the slug down on top of it all. Then insert the fuse.

John then looked over at me and asked me if I was ready. "No!" I shouted. "There's a boat coming!"

Famous last words.

What John saw was a little fishing boat a couple miles upriver slowly putting towards us. It'd take it a half an hour to reach us.

What I saw was a big bulk freighter twice as long as a football field only a couple hundred yards downriver and heading right towards us.

It had Korean lettering on the bow.

John, not realizing his mistake, lit the fuse. Then he ran over to where I was crouching and huddled down to wait for the "BOOOOM!"

I said "What are you doing?!?! There's a boat coming!"

He said "It's miles away. What's the problem?"

"Not that boat," I screamed, "THAT boat!" pointing at the freighter.

John turned to look and blanched. "There's no time..." he said, and was interrupted by the "BOOOOOOOOOM!" There was a short "Tweetletweetle" and then a splash in the water about 20 feet in front of the ship's bow. It missed.

"Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" we both alternated screaming, as John ran down and picked up the cannon (which weighs about 70 pounds) and ran back to the Scout and threw it in the back. I was right behind him having grabbed all the other stuff we had laying about and pitched it in the back too.

We got inside and thankfully the old girl started on the first try. I whipped her around as fast as molasses in December and chugged up off the sand bar and onto the main road in the lightning flash reminiscent of a tuna trawler. The road was a sort of back road through farms and dairies which eventually brought us to the Interstate about 5 miles away. We were within sight of the on-ramp when John says: "I think I hear sirens."

That bastard.

You know how they say when you get really scared that you shit your pants? I can confirm that this is not, in fact, true. When he said those immortal words I clenched up so hard I didn't have a bowel movement for three days.

It was years before we dared fire the thing again, but we've both made a pact that whomever dies last will fire the other one's ashes into the sky.

Here is the cannon just shooting sand on a much later 4th of July.
VERY LOUD!.jpg

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Re: ( Tuesday NO PO) Tell Me A Tale Day

Post by Slip Shod » Tue Feb 28, 2023 4:57 am

When I was younger...

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Re: ( Tuesday NO PO) Tell Me A Tale Day

Post by GuideToACrazyWorld » Tue Feb 28, 2023 6:43 am

Tarmaque wrote:
Tue Feb 28, 2023 3:27 am
One of us, I don't remember who,
You. That means it was you.

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Re: ( Tuesday NO PO) Tell Me A Tale Day

Post by Z is for Zangie » Tue Feb 28, 2023 2:12 pm

Tarmaque wrote:
Tue Feb 28, 2023 3:27 am
Did I ever tell you the story about how my friend John and I nearly caused an international incident by shooting a cannon at a South Korean ship? So we live on the Columbia river, and Portland is a pretty big port but about 100 miles up the river. Along the river are a lot of sand bars where people used to like to fish. Also a lot of people fished out of boats, for salmon or stealhead or sturgeon.

Now my Dad had a pretty big cannon that some of the kids in the metal shop at the school where he taught made for him. It had a 1.5 inch bore, but we generally just liked to make noise with it and just shot sand out of it. Eventually we overloaded it and broke the carriage, although the barrel was fine. I never did find out what happened to the barrel.

A few years after we graduated high school John got a job in a big metal shop. Since my Dad's cannon no longer worked, John built his own. It was larger and heavier and in every way stronger, made entirely of super strong steel. However it shot the same size slugs. The good thing about this was he could have a guy where he worked just saw off whole bunches of 1.5 inch steel round bar. It was fun to shoot up in the mountains, and we found that if we drilled a hole halfway through the round bar it would whistle when we shot it because it tumbled. So a BIG "BOOOOM" followed by a "tweetleetleetleetle" until it hit something. Fun.

So one day he shows up with a bunch of slugs freshly drilled for tweeting. One of us, I don't remember who, had the bright idea of taking the cannon down to the sand bar and trying to skip the slugs off the water and into the island in the middle of the river. (it's uninhabited.) Being kids barely into our twenties we thought this was a fine idea, and we loaded everything into my 1964 International Scout and drove down to the sand bar. A vehicle not well known for its speed or dependability.

We got there and stuck the cannon behind a big piece of driftwood (our idea of safety) and parked my Scout a good 100 feet away. We pointed it at the middle of the river hoping it would skip. Then John started the lengthy process of loading the thing, measuring the powder in a semi-precise way, inserting some newspaper wadding and tamping it down, then lowering the slug down on top of it all. Then insert the fuse.

John then looked over at me and asked me if I was ready. "No!" I shouted. "There's a boat coming!"

Famous last words.

What John saw was a little fishing boat a couple miles upriver slowly putting towards us. It'd take it a half an hour to reach us.

What I saw was a big bulk freighter twice as long as a football field only a couple hundred yards downriver and heading right towards us.

It had Korean lettering on the bow.

John, not realizing his mistake, lit the fuse. Then he ran over to where I was crouching and huddled down to wait for the "BOOOOM!"

I said "What are you doing?!?! There's a boat coming!"

He said "It's miles away. What's the problem?"

"Not that boat," I screamed, "THAT boat!" pointing at the freighter.

John turned to look and blanched. "There's no time..." he said, and was interrupted by the "BOOOOOOOOOM!" There was a short "Tweetletweetle" and then a splash in the water about 20 feet in front of the ship's bow. It missed.

"Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" we both alternated screaming, as John ran down and picked up the cannon (which weighs about 70 pounds) and ran back to the Scout and threw it in the back. I was right behind him having grabbed all the other stuff we had laying about and pitched it in the back too.

We got inside and thankfully the old girl started on the first try. I whipped her around as fast as molasses in December and chugged up off the sand bar and onto the main road in the lightning flash reminiscent of a tuna trawler. The road was a sort of back road through farms and dairies which eventually brought us to the Interstate about 5 miles away. We were within sight of the on-ramp when John says: "I think I hear sirens."

That bastard.

You know how they say when you get really scared that you shit your pants? I can confirm that this is not, in fact, true. When he said those immortal words I clenched up so hard I didn't have a bowel movement for three days.

It was years before we dared fire the thing again, but we've both made a pact that whomever dies last will fire the other one's ashes into the sky.

Here is the cannon just shooting sand on a much later 4th of July.
VERY LOUD!.jpg
Thank you, that was a fun read....guys and things that go boom...lol

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Re: ( Tuesday NO PO) Tell Me A Tale Day

Post by Z is for Zangie » Tue Feb 28, 2023 2:12 pm

Slip Shod wrote:
Tue Feb 28, 2023 4:57 am
When I was younger...
What's this? We are supposed to guess?...lol
What a tease...lol

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Re: ( Tuesday NO PO) Tell Me A Tale Day

Post by Tarmaque » Tue Feb 28, 2023 2:23 pm

Z is for Zangie wrote:
Tue Feb 28, 2023 2:12 pm
guys and things that go boom...lol
We do have a certain attraction to such things, yes.

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